I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
