So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
