I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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