Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
