so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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