I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
