i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
