I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
