So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
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If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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