I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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