dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
