Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
