I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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