C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
