i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
