The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
