I can tuck mytits in my pants
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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