id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
