Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
