i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
