Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
