I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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