Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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