What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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