Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
