This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
