I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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