Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
