I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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