Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
