never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
