I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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