I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
