So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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