it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
