Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
