Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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