You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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