oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
