I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
