Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
