oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
