I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
