$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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