dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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