I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
