Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
