honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
