I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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