She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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