When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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