he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
