I can text with my tongue
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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