On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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