will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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