Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
