I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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