Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
