If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
