Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
