this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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