singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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