i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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