I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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