he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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