Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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