the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
