What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
