Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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