I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
