True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
