My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
