i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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